Hi Everyone,

Thank you, everyone for your prayers for me over the past few days as I went through the bronchoscopy procedure and then waited for the results.

We first met this morning with the lung team at TGH.  The doctor who had held my hand while they had put the 2nd IV in came into the room along with a visiting doctor.  She asked me how I was doing since the procedure and said that when they were finished the other day I sat straight up and announced that I had been awake throughout the whole thing.  I hadn’t remembered that but I told her that I had felt much more aware during the procedure than the times before and that I remembered waving my arms to alert them that I was uncomfortable.  I thought it funny that she confirmed that I had indeed tried to communicate by using my arms and that they took notice of it and then gave me more sedation in order to calm me down.

After the chit chat, the doctor (whose name I have forgotten but was very lovely and kind towards me and spoke with a british accent) told me about what had happened throughout the procedure.  When they looked with the ultrasound they were able to see that the spot (I call it my “baffling spot”) seemed to be surrounded with blood vessels which made taking a sample very difficult.  They did take samples and sent them off to the lab for results.  When the lab looked at the results they found that there was not enough to test.  It was confirmed that this baffling spot was not a tumour.

The doctor who had done the procedure (a different doctor who was actually the inventor of this scan)  had a few conversations with Dr. Kurvella, my oncologist in order to determine what the next steps would be.  As a result of their discussions, a review of the different ways we have tried to sample, scan and treat this baffling spot and noting that I am not experiencing any symptoms of infection at the moment it was decided not to do any further tests.  That said I will still be having CT scans in order to see what this baffling spot is doing and if I do get an infection we would again weigh the options.

So what do I make of all this?  Good question.

To be honest.  I’m glad it’s over. I’m glad that the doctors will leave this baffling spot alone for the next little while until it decides to act up again.  I’m thrilled that my next appointment with Dr. Kurvella is in 4 weeks (FOUR WEEKS!) I can’t even remember the last time when my appointments were spaced that far apart.  I’m not sure what I will do with all that time.  One thing that I know for sure is that I am at deep peace with this decision.  In fact, even before hearing from the doctors this morning I had decided in my heart that unless there was a reason to continue to search for an answer that the baffling spot would remain a mystery.  Perhaps for now, perhaps forever.  On facebook this morning I posted “it is well with my soul”. And it is.

I was reminded this morning that God has a plan and purpose for my life.  That HE is not baffled by this baffling spot.

I have reflecting on the words from one of Starfield’s songs titled Something to Say

And faith might mean there won’t be answers

And hope might mean enduring through the night

Help me not forget in darkness

The things that I believed in light

The song itself is the prayer of someone going through a crisis of faith.  This is not me. I am not questioning God or wondering what He was thinking by healing my body of all kinds of infections including cancer but forgot about this one little baffling spot.  God is good.  He loves me.  He smiles down on me with delight.

I know I’m not the only one with a baffling spot in my life.  Can you trust God, in faith, even if there are no answers to be found to the baffling spot in your life?

It is well with my soul,

Heather

 

 

You can listen to Something to Say here.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLPMehpT8Ik