Dear Family and Friends,

I want to write an update this morning that will bring you up to speed on all that has been happening in the last few weeks.  I haven’t written much here in the last few weeks in part because I have been processing all that has gone on and all the new information that we have been given.

After such a great celebration report after my lung biopsy in June, we got some news that set me/us on a detour.  After another lung CT scan and comparing it to the previous scans I was admitted into hospital for the weekend because while some of the nodules had shrunk and disappeared (this was the cause of our celebration of God’s healing…) there were other nodules that still remained. More than that, these nodules were growing and it was undetermined as to what they were.  The weekend in hospital allowed a host of doctors from a variety of specialties to see me and talk about my case.  When I was discharged from the hospital I was followed again by my bone marrow team at PMH and the infectious disease department at TGH.

I must admit that this detour was a surprise to me and made me spend some time in conversation with God about my healing celebrations the week prior.  In a facebook note to a friend I wrote these words:

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I know that you have been in this spot before. I’ve been mulling over my next blog post and I think it will be an update along with some thoughts on what happens to our faith when God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we have asked Him to. Does that change who God is? Does that change my faith turning it to disbelief? Does God still care? Does he see? The answer of course is that God remains the same, my faith is challenged and depending on the foundation on which my faith is built, it grows and relies deeper on the One who loves me and knows me best. He cares for me most and never takes his eyes off of me.

I know that this is hard to understand. It’s hard for me to understand after years of practicing this type of faith. I know that there will be some who won’t understand this, both those who know Jesus and those who don’t. There will be others who will examine their own faith and grow in their understanding of who God is.

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So that brings me to yesterday.  The final results of the lung biopsy came in and while the results reveal a lot and point us in one direction, they were inconclusive.  I was referred back to the Oncology team, Dr. Crump and Dr. Kurvella, that followed my case prior to transplant because the biopsy results suggest that I have post transplant lymphoma in my lungs. As we discussed a few options yesterday about how to proceed we decided that there was enough information and markers in place to go ahead and treat this as though it is post transplant lymphoma even though the results are inconclusive.  Options were discussed and I will begin a 4 week IV treatment next week to fight the lymphoma. I will go down to PMH once a week for this treatment, administered by IV.  This is not a chemotherapy treatment although we have forgotten the category that this treatment falls under.  I will be monitored closely by Dr. Crump and his team and I am thankful for the history that I have with them and their great care for me, my best treatment plan and for my family.

Psalm 119:11 says, I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

Over the years I have hidden God’s word in my heart both by memorizing verses and through songs that are based on Bible verses.  At times God brings these verse back to my thoughts to encourage me and remind me of this promises.  As I was looking at the days ahead this song from Nathan’s camp last year came to mind:  Today is the day You have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it… And I won’t worry about tomorrow. I’m trusting in what you say. Today is the day.  And then, as Nathan and I were driving back from camp that same day he began to sing a song from my childhood that he had just learned: I’ve got peace like a river… in my soul.  God spoke to me through these childhood songs, comforting my heart and mind.  I didn’t need to worry about the tomorrows because Today is the Day and I can choose to rejoice in it.  This was a joy to my heart and provided the freedom I needed from worry.

I’m not sure what else to say.  I/we are eager to move forward and to put this action plan in place.  We are thankful always for your love, prayers and practical care for us. We know we are loved.

Heather

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