Dear Friends,

The past few weeks can only be described by great extremes.  I had expected to feel a little stir crazy, and I have.  I had expected to feel really tired, and I have (I slept until 3:30 p.m. yesterday).  I had expected to have mouth sores, and I have (although if I lay ever so still I can avoid a lot of the pain.  I had expected to have a stream of visitors, and I have.  I had expected to have times of isolation, and I have.

Some of the things that I didn’t expect though were the extremes. The last few days I have been so tired.  In fact, today has been one of the few days that when I woke up I felt as though my sleep had accomplished it’s purpose. I felt rested.

Another thing that I hadn’t expected was choosing isolation for myself.  The last few days my mouth and throat have been so sore and I have found that I can have considerable relief with the medications (!) and by not talking. Perhaps I should have warned those of you who know me well.  Not talking has been a difficult task but as far as I’m able, I’m only talking to the nurses and doctors and those people who are responsible for my care.  This at times means only short conversations with Jeff and Nathan and only one really short chat with my parents.  I spoke with Eileen (Jeff’s mom) when I first arrived in at Hotel Princess Margaret but not since those initial days.  Who knew that I would enjoy the silence!

In fact, even doing nothing all day, I can tell when I’ve done too much or spoken too much!

Some of you know that Jeff managed to catch a cold from Nathan the other day.  Even for Jeff to come and visit, he will need to wait 3 days past his last symptoms.

As for visitors… I’m not sure what to think these days.  I have cancelled my visitors again for today and I am happy with my decision.  The more time I can give my body (and my throat/mouth) to rest will be of the greatest benefit to me.  I know that even though some of you would like to come for a visit, please know that the decisions that I/we are making are the best for me right now. Believe me, if I was feeling better, I would love for you to stop by to pass the time with a game of Scrabble or a just a chat.

I guess I just wanted you all to know that I can feel your love and encouragement even here on the 14th floor.  I look forward the the next few weeks, months, years and, really, a whole lifetime ahead of me to visit and to catch up on the last few weeks.  It has been so wonderful for me to have such instant response/replies to my Facebook updates and to my complaints for more morphine.

I love you guys! And I know that I am loved.

With ongoing joy, Heather