Well, after all this waiting I have finally been admitted to Hotel Princess Margaret (HPM).  Jeff, Nathan, my sister Pam and Baby Levi all came down today for the event.  My first appointment was across the street at Toronto General to have my central line or Hickman inserted.  It’s the first time in a long time that I have been anxious and had to work hard to get over my fears.  And while I knew that the procedure wouldn’t be difficult or even all that uncomfortable I cried for the first time in weeks.  I know that the tears were not only a reflection of my fears for the procedure but also represented all that is to come in the next few weeks.  A kind “thank you” goes out to Mark, the technician who held my hand throughout the procedure and distracted me with conversation.  He was even a “car guy” like my Dad so we had lots to talk about.

As for the procedure, the central line was inserted into a vein in my neck and the tube comes out just a little farther down on my right side.  I’m a bit tender but not sore.  The technician said that the freezing will wear off in 24-48 hours and I’ll be pretty uncomfortable (he actually said I’d be cursing at them for putting it in) but I know that in the end, this will make things easier and will eliminate the need for needles and IV’s.  And so, even for this, I am thankful.

After the procedure was finished we came back to HPM and check in upstairs on 14B to my room.  I cried tears of thanksgiving when I saw my room.  I had been secretly praying for a sunny room with a view.  As we walked in, the sun was streaming into the room and my West facing window gives me a view of Lake Ontario and out towards Mississauga.  As the sun set and the city lights rose I continued to be thankful that God cares even about these small details of my life.  The sun and this view, while not physically contributing to my health and healing, are much better than looking out onto a brick wall for the next few weeks.  I can also see the top of the parking garage where Jeff parks so if they park up there I can see Nathan from my window.  It’s a small thing, but it’s something.

I met the doctor and nurses and got settled into my room.  I’m in a private room with my own bathroom/shower.  And by the generosity of some friends from my community of faith, I will have a tv hook up tomorrow.  (I’m trying hard not to think about my shows that I am missing tonight…)

I’ve already had whole handfuls of medicines and I’m waiting on my first chemo dose at 9:00 tonight.  I also found out that up until my transplant (November 18th) I can check myself off the floor and visit the outside world so long as my chemo meds for the day are finished.  This means that I can still see Nathan up until the 17th.  That’s more than I had hoped for or imagined.

I think that’s all for tonight.  I’m ready to do this.  I continually and constantly pray for strength and courage (Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.)  I am also reminded again about the story of David and Goliath and love it when David decides to fight Goliath, not because he is strong in his own might but b/c he knows that the LORD of the Angel Army will fight for him.  So, I’m entering battle.  The battle lines have been drawn and I’m ready to fight.  This Goliath is going down, not because I am strong, but because God is strong.

Celebrating the victory (with thanksgiving and joy),

H.

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