Last week I met with Dr. Crump and after talking about the suggestions from the Infectious Disease doctor we decided to put some of those recommendations in place. Currently I am taking a medication three times a week to keep infections away, I’ve had a Pulmonary Functions Test and a second meeting with the ID doctor.

Also, Dr. Crump suggested that we put the chemo on hold for a while to “let the dust settle”. He’s pleased with my blood work at the moment and would like to see the rash on my arms continue to disappear and to clear up whatever infection still lingers. Yesterday the ID doctor was also optimistic about my current situation and suggested just one more visit (after seeing Dr. Crump in June) and then only “as needed”. Sounds like good news to me.

It’s always a balance when I get good news like this. Some of you are already cheering that chemo has been put on hold, and really, that is good news. But the reality is, the chemo is on hold because the doctor’s don’t entirely know why I keep getting sick, have high fevers (glad to report that I haven’t had a fever in probably two weeks),  and what to do about this rash. It’s a bit double edged, if you know what I mean.

And since I’ve mentioned here that fighting cancer is also a mental/emotional battle, I must admit that it is sometimes hard to embrace the good news when I know that there is still an uphill physical battle to be fought. It would be easy, I think,  if I was “just sick” and I could embrace all that being sick means, or if I was “just healthy” and could embrace all that being healthy means. But for now I flip-flop back and forth between healthy days and sick days and I don’t know until I get out of bed which kind of day it will be. Somedays it’s obvious, somedays I choose.

And so, with all this in mind, I’ve decided to put a pause on this blog for a period of time. I’m not sure how long, at least until my next appointment with Dr. Crump at the end of June. Believe me when I tell you that this is a difficult decision for me. I love writing, it is healthy for me and more than that, it is often healing for me. But in light of this “good news/bad news” I really find myself in a place where I need to take some time, in a healthy way, to just live and enjoy each day and not give this cancer the spotlight attention that it has been getting for the last few months. These words from the Bible keep echoing in my mind: “Be still and know that I am God” and I am eager to just rest and listen to what God has to say to me and my family at this time.

I know that I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating. Thank you. Thank you for coming back to this site over and over to check in on my journey, my family and what God is doing in our lives. I am humbled and I am overwhelmed. I have learned so much about my own faith journey and my cancer journey. And by sharing my story here, I have learned about your life journeys too. Thank you for trusting me with your stories and for sharing your lives with me.

With joy in my heart,

Heather

I have been enjoying the lyrics from a church song that I learned as a little girl. The title of the song is The Love of God and the words of the third verse are written here for you to enjoy.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

**One more thing, feel free to contact us through this blog under “comments” as we will still get those updates or you can contact us at home by phone or email.

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