Have you ever found yourself right in the middle of where God wants you to be without even knowing it. Yesterday, as Jeff and I looked around the waiting room we were getting ready to cross the room to sit down. It was going to be difficult to get where we wanted to sit and then I noticed some chairs that were closer, on the other side. I found myself in the middle of an unscheduled God Appointment. Sitting across from me were two women and we entered into some chit chat about the coffee shops downstairs. As we talked, the woman directly across from me shared that this was her first visit to PMH. She was visibly nervous and I asked her if she already had a diagnosis or if she was waiting for one that day. She had just been diagnosed with Lymphoma and was at PMH to meet with the doctor and find out more about the disease and the course of treatment/action for her. I was able to share my experiences at PMH (6+ years!) and then, I shared with her on a “heart” level. I said, “Regardless of what the doctor says in there today, regardless of whether the road ahead of you seems easy, difficult or just plain impossible, know that you will find the courage and strength from inside of you to face whatever needs to be faced.” I spoke for a few minutes of my story, and you could see the anxiety drain from her body as she relaxed to face what was ahead. As her name was called and she was heading off into the unknown, I reminded her that I meant every word I said. I didn’t see her at the end of her appointment (you’ll find out why if you keep reading) but I know that God saved me a seat in that waiting room yesterday.

Before I go on about my appointment, let me remind you that fighting cancer is not just a physical battle, and believe me, it’s physical. Cancer is also an emotional battle and a mental battle. I had to work really hard this past week to not worry about the results of the ultrasound that was done on Tuesday. I made deliberate choices not to think about what “might be” or “could be”. One of my favourite verses in the whole Bible is Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” For me, waiting patiently for the results, good or bad, without anxious thoughts, was a disciplined act of my mind. It was a choice. And it wasn’t always easy.

So imagine my joy when Dr. Crump told me the results of the ultrasound came back to say that nothing was wrong. My joy stemmed from knowing that I had not spent one minute of wasted time or energy on something that I couldn’t even do anything about. JOY!

Okay, that still leaves me with an infection that is causing fevers. Dr. Crump wants to rule out some pretty terrible infections so they took blood cultures to see if any infection will grow in my blood. He also wanted to do a Lumbar Puncture (or a spinal tap). I said, “Right now? Today?” His answer, “Why not?” He spoke to me a little about what the procedure would be like (think similar to having an epidural when you are ready to deliver a baby… the needle goes into the same spot and you are curled up the same too…) and arranged for one of the other doctors to do the procedure.

Now, when it comes to being a patient, I talk a pretty big game. Remember all that “strength and courage” I spoke of in the waiting room? I knew at that moment that those words were for me as well. I try my best not to get emotional but I must admit, I do get pretty nervous at the beginning of any procedure. Yesterday was the same. Without going into details, they were able to get the sample they needed and near the end, I did manage to find the strength and courage I needed to get through the procedure.

So, where does that leave me… We’re waiting on chemo until we can identify the infection and take care of that. Dr. Crump was pleased with my blood results which shows that the chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing (and of course that you guys are praying and that God is healing my body!!!) My next appointment is on Monday next week unless of course I hear from them before then. I’m pretty sore today. I’ve got so much more to say, but even sitting here to write this was probably too much.

So with that, I’m off to rest.

With love,

H.

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