Have you ever felt “out of it”?  Perhaps you’ve had a foggy head from being sick, bogged down with too much to do in too little time, or just felt out of the loop in a crowd of people.  

That’s how I found myself on Monday.  I was over spent from the busyness of the holidays, sick with a congested head and just plain worn out from the stresses that we have faced as a family over the past few weeks.  I had also just heard the news about needing chemotherapy in the New Year and was trying to wrap my mind around all that this year might hold. I described how I felt to Jeff as “deeply tired with no end in sight”.

 And so, as I was lying in bed on the 18th floor at Princess Margaret Hospital, waiting for a blood transfusion, I cried out to God. 

I’m tired. 

I’ve run out of ideas. 

I’m not sure what to do next. 

I don’t know what to do with the plans I’ve made.

And while my prayers/thoughts/reflections to God were varied, the theme was the same:  God, I’m out of it. 

Out of strength.  Out of courage.  Out of dreams.  Out of ideas.  Out of possibilities.

And then I heard it.  God’s voice as quiet as can be, whispering to my heart.

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  Psalm 62:5

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.  Joshua 1:9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  Isaiah 55:8-9

 And that’s when I remembered.  That when I am at the end of myself, God is already there.  He’s “It”.  He is all I need. 

May this New Year find you “out of it”.

 H.

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